Pacific

Yesterday morning we visited the pier at Manhattan Beach in LA.  What is it about the ocean that is so calming to the soul?  It was mis-named the Pacific for its "peaceful nature"; it is aptly named for the peace it brings to the observer.  While there, my conversation with my dad brought to mind the following lyrics:


"I'm pressed but not crushed persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I'm blessed beyond the curse for his promise will endure
And his joy's gonna be my strength

Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning


I'm trading my sorrow
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord

I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord"
  --  Darrell Evans, "Trading My Sorrows"


The verse of that song is taken from 2 Corinthians 4.  Rather than type the chapter out here, I've added a link for those who would like to read it.  There are additional verses in the chapter that speak to me right now; perhaps they will to you, too.


My sorrows are still very much my sorrows.  They have not disappeared.  But for a little while, I was able to lay them down and cling to the joy of the Lord instead.  It's interesting that joy is so often coupled with sorrow.  I have real sorrow; I have real joy.  For now, that joy is external - an implant, a gift from an outside source rather than something that wells up from inside me.  "The joy of the Lord..."


In the afternoon, we visited Griffith Observatory, from which we could see all of LA, the ocean, the Hollywood sign, and the hills and canyons inbetween.  We watched a presentation in the planetarium about the vastness of the universe and explored the exhibits about each of the planets.  Our God is so huge.  The God who created billions of galaxies, each with billions of stars, the God who knows what dark matter is while scientists are still puzzling, the God who created the oceans and sees all that they contain - that God knows what he is doing.  If he can handle the dance of the cosmos, he can handle the events of my life.  That is a firm foundation for peace and joy.


I picked my sorrows back up in the evening.  My song switched to "Broken," by Lifehouse:


"The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life


I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you"

Will I hold onto my sorrows or God's joy today?  I don't know.  Probably both.  But I know I am not abandoned.  I know I am not destroyed.  I know I am blessed.  I know there is healing and meaning to be found.

I will hold "on to you."


"I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me.  When I was in distress, I sought the Lord; at night I stretched out untiring hands and my soul refused to be comforted.


"I remembered you, O God, and I groaned; I mused, and my spirit grew faint.  You kept my eyes from closing; I was too troubled to speak.


"Your ways, O God, are holy.  What god is so great as our God?  You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples.


"The waters saw you, O God, the waters saw you and writhed; the very depths were convulsed.  The clouds poured down water, the skies resounded with thunder; your arrows flashed back and forth.  Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind, your lightning lit up the world; the earth trembled and quaked."


excerpts from Psalm 77