The Beginning at the End - Part 2

I actually slept last night - thank you all for your prayers.

Yesterday was a really rough day, even worse than Wednesday.  Some hard truths finally sunk in.

For all intents and purposes, I lost my husband on Wednesday.  My son lost his father, at least temporarily.  My husband lost his career and his freedom to use his God-given gifts and talents.  We both lost our dreams for the future.  We lost a business that we poured countless hours into.  We lost more than half our income.  Less important in the long run, but more real for today - we lost a computer and ipod that my son used for entertainment, and he doesn't understand why these things are gone.

It was the end of life as we know it. 

And so it was the beginning of a new life.  The beginning of a very difficult and very public journey.  The beginning of a life with no lies, no secrets, and no shame.  This new person is not who I wanted to be.  This new life is not what I wanted to live. 

Honestly, the life I had before is not what I wanted either.  But I never lost hope that my husband would become the man I knew he could be, that our marriage could become what a marriage should be.  We were working towards being who we really wanted to be.  That hope is now gone - that future erased. 

I am very thankful for your prayers as I go through the process of redifining myself.  Please do the same for my husband - his job will be more like recreating himself.  I have not made any decisions yet about the future of our family.  For now, we are prevented from being a family.  When that prevention is lifted, I am not sure what will be best for my son, primarily, but also for myself and my husband.

Please pray for my son as well.  He just woke up and asked where his dad is.  This will be very difficult for him, and I am heartbroken to think how this will scar and shape him.  He was absolutely amazing the way he was.  I pray the new him is just as vibrant and fun and happy and loving as the old one.

One more note - I am purposely leaving out other names, mostly for my son's sake.  You all know who I am and who we are, but just to be safe, please leave names out of any comments.

Thank you again for your prayers.  Your support has been truly amazing.

"My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, 'Where is your God?'

"Why so downcast, o my soul?  Why so disturbed within me?  Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. 

"My soul IS downcast within me; therefore I WILL remember you."

excerpts from Psalm 42