Letter to the church

I wrote this letter to our church as they wrestle with the idea of my husband attending services again.  I post it here because I think it can apply to The Church as a whole, as well.

                For ten years I prayed that God would take away my husband’s porn addiction.  I believed that God wanted him to be porn-free, I desperately wanted him to be porn-free, and I believed that he sincerely wanted to be free of porn as well.  Isn’t that the formula for answered prayers – pray in agreement with God, pray in agreement with each other, and it “shall be given unto you?”

When my husband was arrested, I knew that God was finally answering my prayer.  But I didn’t understand why he chose to do it this way.  It seemed that a quiet healing would have been much better than the publicity of an arrest.  So many people were hurt, and so much shame was brought on the name of Christ and on my family.  How could this possibly be the best thing for anyone?

It has taken a long time, but I’ve come to realize that God loves us too much to give us a quick fix.  Taking away my husband's addiction would have fixed his behavior, but it wouldn’t have done anything to fix his heart.  As painful and shameful as his arrest has been, I am grateful that God was willing to do whatever it took to capture his heart.

And capture his heart he has.  My husband is reading his Bible, praying, and talking about God like he has never done before.  Instead of pride and defensiveness, he shows humility and a willingness to look honestly at himself.  Instead of anger, he has peace.  Instead of judging others, he extends grace and patience.  He is truly a different man than he was a year ago.  It’s not just his behavior that has changed, his heart has been transformed as well.

I also have a suspicion that the publicity of his arrest and healing was for your benefit.  As messy as this situation is, this is your chance to show the grace of God to our community.  Over the past year, the church has come together in support of my family in amazing ways.  You have truly reflected the beauty of Christ and his church, and I thank you for the love and support offered to me and my family. 

I ask that this extension of grace continue as my husband returns to our congregation.  I ask that you look not only at his faults, but also at what God is doing in his heart.  I invite you to use our story to share with others the love, grace, and forgiveness of Christ.  I ask that you become part of bringing a beautiful ending to a story with such an ugly beginning.

With affection and appreciation.