Victory?

     Several of you have mentioned the lapse of time since my last blog.  There are several reasons for my silence.  One is that I tend to blog when I wake up in the middle of the night, and I’ve been sleeping better.  Another is that I haven’t been clear about what to write.  There are so many thoughts and ideas and questions swirling around in my head.  I tend to wait until I feel compelled to write about something, to wait until those thoughts gel into something more solid that I can’t get out of my head without writing it out.

     I’ve been lying in bed just now trying to read my Bible, and I can’t focus.  I can’t concentrate.  I just keep thinking about an issue that has been on my heart for about two weeks now.  So I guess it’s time to write it out.

     I’ve been hesitant to write about this subject because I am afraid it will come across as disrespectful or argumentative to some.  Please know that that is not my aim.  In this instance, can we agree to disagree respectfully without judging each other?  You are welcome to your beliefs; here are my mine.

     I feel like I’ve been bombarded with the message that victory is ours for the taking, if we just reach out in faith and grab it.  God will provide whatever you need, if you can just “faith” your way to receiving it.  Again, no offense, but I cannot accept that philosophy right now.  Frankly, I think it’s bull ****.  (I practiced cussing with my pastor this week.  Gotta get some more practice in where I can.  J)

     Christians fail.  Frequently.  And it’s not a reflection on the depth of our faith.  Innocent people suffer at the hands of nature and/or other people through no fault of their own.  Where was God’s protection when my husband was molested as a child?  Where was God’s protection when the tsunami struck Japan?  Where is the victory in being bankrupt and publicly humiliated?

     I do not believe God promises us victory in our lives.  I do not believe God promises to meet our every need.  I do not believe God promises to protect us from sickness, injustice, or tragedy.

     So why do I stick with him?

     Cuz he’s bigger than that.

     The God I believe in is so big, that it doesn’t matter if I win or lose.  My husband struggled with his addiction for close to twenty years.  I’d like to believe he was very close to a victory, finally.  But you know what?  To God, it doesn’t make that much difference.  Whether my husband failed or not, God can turn it into a victory for himself.  He’s that big.  He can take my worst failure and turn it into a victory for himself.

     We as Christians are taught to expect victory if we pray about it and have enough faith.  I think that is unfair to us.  I truly think that the idea that “the power to kick your bad habits is already in you” actually hindered me from seeking true help for my husband because I had such complete faith and confidence that God could take the addiction away.  Yeah, God is powerful enough to take away any addiction, and through the Holy Spirit his power dwells in us.  But there’s more to the story!  How do you access that power?  Are you saying the right prayers?  Are you even fighting the right battle?  Some “bad habits” need professional help to be healed, and many others may need help from a friend.  To teach “empowerment” alone is incomplete.  It was unfair to me as a young wife, and it is insulting to me now.

     Can’t we teach failure?  Say, “Hey, guys.  God is all-powerful, and he could take away your problems if he wanted.  But sometimes he doesn’t.  Sometimes he lets us fail.  We fall flat on our faces, get crushed in the dust.  But he’s still good.  He still loves us.  He’s got a greater purpose.  He can bring a victory for himself out of your failure.  So expect some failures in your life.  Expect some unanswered prayers.  Cuz they’re gonna come.  And it’s not because you don’t have enough faith to prevent them.”  It may not be a popular theology, but it sure seems a lot more real to me!

     I’ve taught several times on the verse Philippians 4:19:  “And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.”  But I’ve come to the conclusion that this verse is not a universal promise to everyone in all situations, but a specific promise to the church at Philippi, and/or a general principle about how God blesses generous givers.  Because I cannot reconcile this promise with the millions of people in the world without access to clean water.  If this promise does not apply to the need of children in India for clean water, then how can I attempt to claim it for my own financial “needs?” 

     God doesn’t promise to give us everything we need to live on this earth.  If he did, everyone everywhere would have all their basic needs met, and we know that is factually untrue.  So what does he promise us?  Everything we need for spiritual life.  Salvation, forgiveness, hope, the Holy Spirit, love, joy, peace…  Spiritual needs – yes.  Physical needs – no.  So expect to be needy at some point in your life, and know that God hasn’t abandoned you.  Know that it’s probably not due to your lack of faith or sinful behavior.  It’s just the way life goes, and God will walk beside you all the way.

     Isn’t that a much more comforting thought?  Maybe it’s just me…

     Protection is the more difficult issue.  How could a loving God with the power to prevent a child from being raped stand by and allow it to happen?  Why does God not step in and protect innocent and faithful people more often than he does?

     I don’t have a good answer for that one.  One thought is that God does not violate the free will of the perpetrator.  But is a criminal’s free will really more important than the wholeness of a child?  That’s tough to believe.  Even if it is true, that doesn’t explain natural disasters.  Of course, some biblical passages suggest that the earth is deteriorating as a result of sin.  But more to the issue on my heart - disasters fall on Christians and non-Christians alike.  So is it fair to tie the idea of God’s protection to faith?

     Again, can’t we teach people to expect injustice in their lives?  That when diseases or disasters come, God is still there and still loves us?  That God was watching when they were abused as children and even though he didn’t stop it from happening, he has a plan for healing and redeeming them now?  That God sometimes protects us from crime, disease, and disaster, and sometimes he doesn’t?

     I believe in a God who can protect, but sometimes chooses not to.  I believe in a God who is all-powerful, but who sometimes allows his people to be crushed.  I don’t know why he does not grant victory and protection in every situation, especially for his own followers who have put their faith in him, but that is the reality of the world we live in.  Is it not?

     I believe in a God powerful enough to take a chronic illness and use it for his glory.  I believe in God big enough to take the injustice of a child’s sexual abuse and twist it for good.  I believe in a God strong enough to take away an addiction, but who has a greater purpose in refusing to do so. 

     God is on my side, whether I am victorious or not.  If I go into battle against an addiction and fail, it does not mean that God has left me, or is not powerful, or that I just need to have more faith.  If I were to be swept away by a tsunami, it would not be a reflection on God’s goodness, faithfulness, justice, or love, nor would it be a reflection on my faith and experience of him.  God is on my side, whether I am protected from crime, disease, and natural disasters - or not.

     That’s the God I believe in.  That’s the world I live in. 

     Again, I mean no disrespect to anyone who disagrees with me.  Let my voice be one among many.  And let the loudest voice be God’s.

“How deserted lies the city, once so full of people!  How like a widow is she, who once was great among the nations!

“All her people groan as they search for bread; they barter their treasures for food to keep themselves alive.

“My eyes fail from weeping, I am in torment within, my heart is poured on the ground because my people are destroyed, because children and infants faint in the streets of the city.  They say to their mothers, ‘Where is bread and wine?’ as they faint like wounded men in the streets of the city, as their lives ebb away in their mothers’ arms.

“Young and old lie together in the dust of the streets; my young men and maidens have fallen by the sword.  You have slain them in the day of your anger; you have slaughtered them without pity.

“He pierced my heart with arrows from his quiver.  I became the laughingstock of all my people; they mock me in song all day long.  He has filled me with bitter herbs and sated me with gall.

“I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall.  I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me.  Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:

“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.’

“For men are not cast off by the Lord forever.  Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love.  For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.”

Excerpts from Lamentations 1-3