Sadness

Yesterday morning my son asked to watch Voltron on Netflix.  (Those of you who know him know that for some inexplicable reason, Voltron is his favorite show, and he can watch it over and over for hours on end.  Boys...)  I had to tell him that I cancelled our Netflix subscription, and he broke down and sobbed.  I just held him and wept, too.  We then discovered that Hulu has Voltron, so he bounced back from the loss pretty quickly. 

I, however, was overwhelmed with sadness all day and into this morning.  Not for the loss of Netflix, but for all the losses my son still has to face.  What will he do when I tell him we need to get rid of our dog?  Or that we have to move out of our house?  What if I have to tell him that he still can't see his dad when his birthday rolls around next month?  And I know the wounds are just beginning for him.  What about two years from now when his friends ask about his dad?  How can a six-year-old be asked to explain that his dad isn't allowed to meet his friends?  What about seven years from now when he will understand what it is his dad has done and struggle with such weighty issues in the middle of developing his own self-image and world view?  It's so unfair.  My heart breaks for him with each new loss, each new struggle that I realize lays on his path.

He is the joy of my life, however, and he truly lives up to the meaning of his name.  After spending the day with him, my heart is much lighter than it was yesterday.  We had an air-ball fight (if you've never played, you've got to try it - just throw air at each other and pretend to get hit - so much fun!), he beat me in a game of dominoes, and we had a Scooby-Doo marathon courtesy of the WB.  (Who needs Netflix anyway?)

I am thankful that I have him around to cheer me up.  I am thankful that sadness does not last forever, although it will be a too-frequent visitor for the next unknown length of our lives.  I am thankful that even with so many valid reasons to be sad, we have just as many reasons to be happy.  I pray that I am able to balance the sadness in my life with joy in a way that honors God and is healthy for me and my son.

"[The Lord] heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."
Psalm 147:3