Faith

If any of my non-Christian friends are still hanging with me, you might be wondering why I choose to have faith in God right now.  My life has been blown apart; how can I say that God is good?

My faith in God, and more specifically, Jesus Christ, offers me hope, redemption, love, and comfort, at a time when others might have none.  You see the ugliness of my life; hopefully you also see the beauty of Jesus at work in the midst of it.

To be sure, there is much ugliness in the people of God.  We are still people, after all - imperfect, flawed people living in an imperfect, flawed world.  We fail.  We mess up.  There are times when our poor reflection of Christ makes him appear flawed and ugly.  For instance, how can a man devoted to Christ, like my husband, struggle with the things he struggled with?  If Christ is who he says he is, shouldn't my husband have been different?

I don't understand the ways of God.  To me, it would make much more sense to have healed my husband long ago, or even to allow him more time to continue the healing he had already started, instead of exposing him and causing so much pain for so many people.  It would make much more sense to have given him a different set of gifts and talents, so that he could have had a different path in life that would have been safer for him and less traumatic for others.  Either of those options would have been less ugly, right?

But God isn't in the business of making sense.  If we could fully understand who God is and why he does the things he does, would he be much of a god? 

Where does that leave us, then?  We have a God who doesn't make sense, and whose people are just about as flawed as the world around them.  Is Christianity worth it or the biggest scam of all time?

You have to decide for yourself.  But if the ugliness of my life weighs in your decision at all, I hope you will also consider the beauty of Christ and his church that is appearing in my life as well.

That beauty can be seen in my Westport friends who have offered compassion and restoration to my husband and who have brought my family meals and other gifts to help get us through this stressful time.  That beauty can be seen in my PFCN family who have been generous and supportive beyond the scope of any regular employer.  That beauty can be seen in friends from the gym who have every right to be angry, but instead have offered kindness and forgiveness.  That beauty can be seen in friends who have experienced similar issues stepping forward to offer counseling and companionship.  That beauty can be seen in people still struggling with similar issues step forward to get the help they need.

I often wonder how I, of all people, ended up in this place.  I am the "goodiest" of goody-two-shoes, and always have been.  I was always successful in school and was poised and equipped to lead a successful, flourishing life.  How did I end up the wife of a criminal and an addict?!  How can that possibly be me, walking down a long hall, and how can that possibly be my husband behind the glass?  But then I wonder if God has been preparing me for this my whole life.  Another woman might not have literally hundreds of people willing to pray for her.  Another woman might not be as secure in her own identity and faith, and fall hard into depression.  Basically, another woman might not have everything that Christ has supplied me with throughout my whole life, might not have what I have to cling to in the midst of this storm.

Is Christianity worth it?  You have to decide for yourself.  My answer is a resounding yes.  I will trust God when he doesn't make sense, for he has never left my side.  I will look to him to redeem the ugliness of my life, for he excels at bringing good out of bad, beauty from pain.  I will hold onto him, for he is bigger than this storm, and he knows the best path to make it through.  God is good, even when life is not.