Release

                My husband was released Friday.  Name an emotion, and chances are I felt it that day.  Joy, relief, hope, frustration, disgust, grief, anger, impatience, appreciation, anxiety…the list goes on. 

                Before last week, I had reached a point of peace even in the middle of all my uncertainty.  I don’t like having more questions than answers and not knowing what to expect from the days ahead.  But I had finally accepted that as my reality, and I was surprised at how settled my spirit was even though my circumstances were not settled.  It’s as if I had found the eye of the storm – a place of calm and rest in the middle of chaos and stress.

                Last week, I left the eye of the storm and am now in the other side of the turmoil.  At least I hope that’s a proper visual.  I’d like to think that there is an end to the stress and uncertainty, just beyond what I can see at the moment.  And that on the other side, a “new normal” is waiting for my family to arrive and enjoy the blessings of life together.  I don’t know how long it will take us to get there, or how battered we will be by the storm we are in.  The journey won’t be easy or pleasant, but I pray that it is good.

                I write this because I feel like people might be expecting me to be overjoyed at this newest turn of events.  To be sure, I am happy and relieved…and everything else.  So if you find tears in my eyes, don’t be surprised.  I’m still caught in an emotional storm.  And even though some questions are now answered, others are just beginning to be asked.