Prevention

                One of the thoughts on my mind for a while is:  What can we do to prevent kids from getting addicted to porn?

                I’ve heard several people’s stories by now, and do you know what they all have in common?  Each man’s issue with pornography (or another form of sex) started at age 12 or earlier.  Age 12!  Or earlier! 

                I have always thought of sex as an issue to be addressed in the teen years and adulthood.  But age 13 is too late!  By then, a huge number of boys are already trapped.  This issue has to be addressed and prevented in childhood, not in teenage-hood.

                (I realize that my small survey is not statistically reliable and am sure that many men become addicted as teens or even young adults.  But I do feel it’s reliable enough to say that a majority – and even a vast majority – of addicts are exposed by age 12.)

                But how can we address the issue?  How can we, as parents and as the church, protect our boys from getting addicted to their own bodies’ drugs?  How?

                You think, “I’ve got an internet filter.  That should work.”  But what about your son’s friend whose uncle gave him a pornographic magazine as a birthday present?  What about the neighbor boy who has internet access on his iPhone?  What about the boys in the locker room at school who talk and joke about masturbation? 

We cannot prevent this issue from confronting our kids.  It is all around us.  Our neighbors and peers have given up the fight for purity.  We must fight for it even harder than ever.

I’m not sure people realize how widespread the issue is.  Here’s a quote from purelifealliance.org:  ”There are many surveys and reports on the issue but a conservative poll from ChristiaNet reported by Marketwire.com in August, 2006 showed that 50% of all Christian men and 20% of all Christian women are addicted to pornography. That is not the percent who view pornography, those percentages are much higher; this is the percent actually addicted to pornography. And that was in 2006.”  50% of Christian men!!!

I know that when I was in college, I would have been shocked to hear that statistic.  I remember an acquaintance confessing his struggle (and proclaiming his victory) over porn at church one night, and I immediately wrote him off in my mind as a pervert.  I was so naïve!  I’m pretty sure I was sitting next to one (or three) porn addicts that very minute.  But I had no idea at the time.

The next time you’re sitting in church, look around.  One out of every two men that you see, according to statistics, is or has been addicted to porn.  Men that you respect.  Men that you trust your kids with.  Men who love God.  Yet they are stuck in an addiction that they don’t feel like they can tell anyone about.

It seems like the church is doing a better job of realizing the problem and offering solutions for men and their wives.  At least in the Portland area, there are numerous churches partnering with Pure Life Alliance to raise awareness of the issue and the treatment options available.  This is great and necessary, and I hope similar programs continue to grow exponentially around the country.

But what is anybody doing to prevent the problem in the first place?

?

I have a huge heart for kids.  It breaks my heart to look at my son and the boys that he goes to school with and the boys that I teach at church and think that half of them are doomed to become sex addicts.  I want to do anything I can to prevent that from happening.

But what can I do?  The church really can’t do much regarding this issue on Sunday mornings.  So is there anything the church can do?

I feel the answer lies with parenting.  The church must come alongside parents and equip them to handle this issue.  But not just parents of teens.  Parents of children!

So how does the church partner with parents and equip them adequately?  Each church must decide the specifics for itself.  There are plenty of different strategies and theories for family ministry.  I make no secret of which is my favorite; I am a staunch supporter of 252:Basics by the Rethink Group (NorthPoint Church).  I should say I support the theory and strategy behind 252:Basics, as there are some issues with the program itself that make it difficult for churches (especially small churches) to implement.  But what I love about it is that incorporating the parents into the child’s spiritual learning is of utmost importance.  The program is written to include a family worship service every Sunday – geared towards kids AND parents in a very Disney-movie-ish fashion.  The church I work for offers the family service once a month. 

You’re probably thinking, “Wait a minute!  I thought we were talking about porn addiction!  How did we get talking about family ministry?”  Cuz I truly think that family ministry is our best hope for preventing not only sex addictions but drug addictions and church drop-outs at the age of 18, for producing a next generation that is more free and more Christ-like than today’s 50% addict generation.  If we can get parents and kids talking together at church about spiritual topics and relating them to real life at home, that could open up the door to more natural conversations at home about the same topics.  We need to get kids and parents talking together in mutually trusting, spiritually deep, and actually relevant conversations from first grade on (or even earlier).  So when you talk about his first crush at age 8, it feels natural.  And when you bring up the topic of masturbation at age 10, it feels natural.  And when you bring it up again at age 10 and a half, it feels natural.  And at age 11, when the neighbor kid pulls up pornography on his iPhone, your son comes home and talks to you about it, and it feels natural!

I’m just beginning to research and explore the topic of preventing sexual addiction.  So I could be way off base.  But I was passionate about family ministry before, and I am even more so now.

What can we do to prevent boys from getting addicted?  We must do something.  We must.